College geography failed me big time, y'all. Big. Time.
In my defense, it was World Geography, the professor did all his research in Central America, and apparently I drew the sort straw, because my assigned area of study was Turkmenistan. I digress.
Boyfriend (henceforth referred to as NNN) and I were sitting on The Couch last night, discussing travel. He headed out to Seattle this morning, and the topic of locations west was at the forefront. The following excerpt from our conversation is embarrassing, but true.
"What's the furthest west you've been?," asked N3.
"In the U.S.?" I thought about it carefully. "Washington D.C., I guess."
"I'm pretty sure D.C. is east of here." To his credit, he said it gently and without derision, which is way more than I deserved.
"Hmm. Really?" The idea had never crossed my mind. I thought harder. "I guess the mountainish areas then."
Mountainish areas. Clearly, that's a technical term that I learned in my study of Turkmenistan and other nearby al Qaeda hideouts. Regardless, NNN nodded encouragingly, either out of kindness or a lack of desire to remain on The Couch all night. I, on the other hand, should've stopped right there.
"Outside of the U.S., though, I'd say Quebec." I felt confident in this assertion.
"Baby, I'm pretty sure Quebec isn't west of here, either."
I said the only thing I could think of.
"Really? REALLY?"
Now, I swear to you, I'm not usually a dumbass. I'm college-educated. I spell things correctly on the internet. I solve differential equations for fun. Sometimes, I read books, and a few of them don't even have pictures. I can even fold a map in seconds flat, though obviously I don't bother to look at it in the process. Point is, I know that people consider me to be of at least average intelligence, so how is that I don't know where I am in the world in relation to, oh, I don't know, ANYWHERE ELSE?
As it turns out, the furthest west... actually west... I've been is Orlando. As in Florida. As in Mickey and Minnie and the gang. I even looked up the longitude to be sure.
(Just so we're clear... longitude is the one that measures the westy-ness, right?)
